In the early hours of New Years day, a raucous car load of drunken revellers sang on their way home; too far intoxicated to blush at the filthy sailors songs, the girls cackled and joined in at the chorus….
“Friggin’ in the riggin’,
“Friggin’ in the riggin’….”
Oh dear was that…yes, the familiar sound of a distant siren!
As the flashing lights got brighter, Burt stomach sunk as he slowed down and stopped…they were only a half mile from home too, bugger.
“‘Ello, ‘ello….been to a party have we?”
Burt wound his window down and tried to act sober.
Barry also wound his window down and waved a bottle of Pomagne out, offering it to the Policemen jovially.
That didn’t help the situation one little bit.
“Can you all step out of the vehicle please.” The policeman wasn’t in a jovial mood, having to do the worst night of the week.
The inebriated gang of party goers tumbled out of the car into the cold night air, grumbling and arguing, they were so close to home as well!
“How many drink have you had this evening Sir?”
Burt honestly had no idea, he was an old sailor and counting was for wimps or the army.
“Just blow into this for me Sir…until I say stop.”
“I’ve had 15 bottles….Happy New Year.” slurred Barry as he clumsily stumbled over grabbing the policeman sleeve while still tightly holding onto the open bottle with the other hand.
“Want a swig?” he kindly proffered before swinging around and staggering over to the car.
Meanwhile the girls had cornered the fresh faced young constable, being new to the beat, he’d been allocated tonights duty ‘for experience’ purposes.
“Oh, you’re so young?”
“Can I try on your helmet, oh isn’t it heavy?”
“Let’s feel your muscles….what a big boy!”
“Madam!” he shrieked, “Remove your hand at once.”
As the ladies drunkenly tussled over the helmet this suddenly without warning escalated into a full on cat fight.
All was all becoming too much for poor Barry as his head spun with the still flashing lights and screaming, not to mention the evenings mixture of beer, cocktails and Pomagne.
“Man down.” Burt shouted as he grabbed Barry just in time, the girls immediately forgot their squabble and rushed to help their fallen comrade.
“Right, you’re all nicked, down the station with you.”
The girls wailed and used some very foul language indeed, even Burt was shocked.
It wasn’t long until they were all under the fierce unforgiving fluorescent lights of the Police station, slightly swaying as they steadied each other, Sindy and Barbie listened to the officer recount their recent behaviour.
Shamefaced they realised there would be consequences, Sindy’s mother would be informed, they may even be mentioned in the local newspaper.
Tears welled but to no avail.
‘And what have you got to say for yourself, my good man?”
Burt was getting his turn, he knew by past experience to not say anything, he didn’t want any more trouble than he was already in.
Barry was surprisingly still standing, although not very steadily.
The misdemeanours were listed aloud as Burt listened silently, wishing they’d booked a taxi but it was too late for ifs and buts.
Barry could contain himself no more and made full use of the complementary police issue bucket, much to the disgust of the young Police constable, who almost gagged along with him.
“With the breathalyser result as well as your statement, I have no other option than to charge you, but being your first offence in this county the court may be lenient.
Burt, you’ve let us all down.
Burt – charged with being drunk in charge of a vehicle and speeding.
Barry – charged with being drunk and disorderly and vomiting on a Police officer.
Barbie – charged with sexual assault of a Police officer and disorderly conduct.
Sindy – Disorderly conduct
Happy New Year
A fool learns by their own mistakes and wise man learns by others – Don’t Drink and Drive.
©Juliette Dodd 2020